Thursday, February 25, 2021

emotional maturity

 from twitter:


https://twitter.com/EdLatimore/status/1364706129369047043

Disagreement doesn’t warrant disrespect. You shouldn’t treat someone as less of a person just because they don’t have the same opinion as you. This sign of emotional maturity is the ability to separate how you feel from how you think.

If you take someone's disagreement as a personal offense, the problem is with you, not them.

“...your issues are irrelevant.” Classic finish


6 signs of mental and emotional maturity

How do you become more mature and improve your quality of life? Here are 6 major signs of mental and emotional maturity that you can start to follow.


Wednesday, January 27, 2021

Avoidance doesn't resolve conflict

Helpful interview with Chad Ford of BYU-Hawaii here:

https://religionnews.com/2020/11/25/how-do-mormons-deal-with-conflict-and-faith-crises-avoidance-doesnt-work-expert-says/

Excerpts:

How do Mormons deal with conflict and faith crises? Avoidance doesn’t work, expert says

Step One, says Chad Ford, is to let go of the fear of conflict, and recognize that conflict itself is not sinful. But for Mormons steeped in both niceness and hierarchical leadership structures, that may be hard to achieve.

RNS: You say in the book that when we fear conflict and go to great lengths to avoid it, we damage our ability to solve problems. This of course made me think of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, because I feel like we do a lousy job of even acknowledging problems. It’s like any disagreement is bad because it’s considered “contention.”

Ford: It’s called conflict avoidance — sweeping something under the rug, pretending it isn’t there. It’s wearing a mask that on the outside looks pure and holy. This is a consistent theme you hear again and again from Latter-day Saints, this idea that conflict is of the devil. That there is something unholy and shameful about conflict, and if I was really holy, I wouldn’t experience it.

That’s really self-defeating. If there is conflict in my life or in my family or community, I don’t want the world to know that....

RNS: So how should Latter-day Saints approach conflict?

Ford: Step 1 is to let go of our fear of conflict. It’s recognizing that conflict, in and of itself, isn’t sinful.

There’s this romanticism in our faith that if we’re of one heart and mind, our needs should always be the same. Instead, where we’re trying to go is actually a partnership, where I have to be present with my own needs at the table as well as be present with your needs. And it’s OK when our needs and dreams don’t always align. That’s natural and normal. There’s nothing sinful about having different needs or desires. How do we find a higher way to pursue them?

If you can convince people that 1) conflict doesn’t have to be inherently evil and destructive, and 2) that it’s OK to pursue my own needs and for them to pursue theirs, then conflict loses much of its mystery and scariness and becomes a problem-solving exercise...

RNS: What are your areas of concern when it comes to members who are struggling?

Ford: I’ll start with faith crisis. As a university professor working with young Latter-day Saints, many are going through a faith crisis. Think about our unhealthy approaches: We ignore it, we hide it. This makes young people afraid to talk about it with their friends or parents. Parents may feel shame about it.

So we start mistreating each other: we’re not open to their questions and concerns, and we don’t create space to have collaborative problem-solving. We think there’s something inherently wrong with asking questions, instead of seeing questions as a way to go deeper with faith. I see this all the time with my students and in my own family....

 

Tuesday, January 26, 2021

Top tweets of 2020-James Clear

A useful thread by Author of the #1 NYT bestseller Atomic Habits (http://atomichabits.com).



Quote Tweet
James Clear
@JamesClear
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When you choose who to follow on Twitter, you are choosing your future thoughts.
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James Clear
@JamesClear
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Working on a problem reduces the fear of it. It’s hard to fear a problem when you are making progress on it—even if progress is imperfect and slow. Action relieves anxiety.
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Quote Tweet
James Clear
@JamesClear
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We often avoid taking action because we think "I need to learn more," but the best way to learn is often by taking action.
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Quote Tweet
James Clear
@JamesClear
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It took me... 200+ articles before I got a book deal. 250+ articles before I got major media coverage (NYT). 100+ interviews before my book hit the bestseller list. You need a lot of shots on goal. Not everything will work, but some of it will. Keep shooting.
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Quote Tweet
James Clear
@JamesClear
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Lack of confidence kills more dreams than lack of ability. Talent matters—especially at elite levels—but people talk themselves out of giving their best effort long before talent becomes the limiting factor. You're capable of more than you know. Don't be your own bottleneck.
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James Clear
@JamesClear
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What looks like talent is often careful preparation. What looks like skill is often persistent revision.
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Quote Tweet
James Clear
@JamesClear
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Be “selectively ignorant.” Ignore topics that drain your attention. Unfollow people that drain your energy. Abandon projects that drain your time. Do not keep up with it all. The more selectively ignorant you become, the more broadly knowledgable you can be.
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Quote Tweet
James Clear
@JamesClear
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There are 3 primary drivers of results in life: 1) Your luck (randomness). 2) Your strategy (choices). 3) Your actions (habits). Only 2 of the 3 are under your control.  

But if you master those 2, you can improve the odds that luck will work for you rather than against you.